Snakes on McCain

A Case Of Mistaken Identity

• The following is a text conversation I had this morning.
• Me: Oh hey
• Him: whos this??
• Him: hello?
• Him: who the hell is this?
• Me: I'm sorry, I took a friend's number down wrong.
• Him: ok
• Him: u a guy or girl?
• Me: You first
• Him: im a guy
• Me: Great, me too. It's pretty good, isn't it? Plenty of advantages.
• Him: ummm...sure
• Me: Also, do you always freak out when you get a text from a number you don't recognize, or was it just my saucy tone that put you on the defensive?
• Him: well when they dont answer me when i ask who it is then i get kinda mad...and saucey???
• Me: Did you ever stop to think that maybe I wasn't answering you because I was seriously injured or even dead? I'm not, but I could have been.
• Him: ummm...im sorry?...and r u gay?
• Me: You first.
• Him: no...im straight
• Me: Me too! That's a relief. Did you know they can get you through the phone now?
• Him: wut?
• Me: Yeah. You're just having a conversation and then all of a sudden, you're at Papa Bear's doing Jello shots off the chest of a guy with a nipple ring.
• Him: lol
• Me: It's nothing to laugh about. It's happened to me.
• Him: o wow
• Me: How about you, any gay experiences or abductions?
• Him: no...id probibly kick the guys ass
• Me: That's how it's done! And then when he's all beat up whimpering on the ground, you give him a kiss on the lips to assert your dominance. Did you know that's what gorillas do?
• Him: wut the fuck...ur a queer
• Me: That's just how it works in the animal kingdom, bro, and that's God's kingdom.
• Me: Luke 12:21.
• Him: fag
• Me: Whoa, dude, whoa. I'm on your side here. Come on, man, it's me!
• Him: wut?...i dont even know u
• Me: That fucking hurts.
• Him: ur saying lil gay things
• Me: If I were gay you'd be dead by now, or worse, so I'll thank you to curb it with the lip. Let's talk about something else, like how we feel about other men.