Dan Abromowitz is so, so good. Send him money or something.
Upcoming ads from our friends at Heineken International:
APPROACH WOMEN
LIKE you do VENDING MACHINES
SHOVE A DOLLAR in their FACE
and HIT THEM if they
DON’T GIVE YOU what you WANT
XX
DOS EQUIS
STAY HUNGRY, my friend!
–—
APPROACH WOMEN
LIKE you do WILD ANIMALS
DISPLAY THEM in ENCLOSED SPACES and
GAWK at them with THINLY VEILED FEAR
XX
DOS EQUIS
NO PETTING, my friend!
–—
APPROACH WOMEN
LIKE you do MODERN JAZZ
SMILE and PRETEND to
ENJOY LISTENING to them
and then BADMOUTH THEM to your FRIENDS
XX
DOS EQUIS
BLOW HARD, my friends!
—–
APPROACH WOMEN
LIKE you do THE MIDDLE EAST
FOSTER DEPENDENCE while
STRIPPING THEM of RESOURCES
XX
DOS EQUIS
MISSION ACCOMPLISHED, my friends!
–—
APPROACH WOMEN
LIKE you do WAITERS
SCREAM AT THEM for SMALL MISTAKES
and GET THEM FIRED for LARGE ONES
XX
DOS EQUIS
TIPPING IS OPTIONAL, my friends!
–—
APPROACH WOMEN
LIKE you do DOMESTICATED ANIMALS
CONFINE THEM to the HOUSE
and FUCK THEM DISCRETELY
XX
DOS EQUIS
MAN’S BEST FRIEND, my friends!
–—
APPROACH WOMEN
LIKE you do THE WAR OF 1812
HAVE A MINOR ARGUMENT and then
BURN their HOUSE DOWN
XX
DOS EQUIS
BE A GHENT, my friends!
